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Many times I have had the conversation about the value and purpose of a small group; why small groups? There are some who just do not understand why they exist! We all have community of some type around us, right… so why get into a small group? It seems forced, artificial and weird. But the underlying reason for the existance of the small group is its intentionality and focus.

Intentional community is something we may not necessarily have around us in our life. and if we do, it may not be very effective or consistant. Do we have people in our life to pray with, to challenge us, to keep us accountable, to discuss faith, to encourage and support us on a regular basis? A small group provides what many of us simply do not have; intentional community.

Why am I telling you this? Many times during the life cycle of a small group, the vision leaks, the purpose gets lost and the passion for involvement in small group can wane. Talking about why this small group community vs. other forms of community is vitally important, often can help keep everyone engaged. A simple reminder of why we take an evening each week to meet can do wonders. Re-alignment. Re-focus. Re-engage.

Read John 15. I often tell my group that the only forum in my life other than weekend church services that helps me get connected to “the Vine” and actually grow… is my small group. And it is all because of its intentionality and focus. Never lose sight of this, and don’t let your group lose sight of this, either.

Starting a small group is exciting! The opportunity to get to know other people, grow spiritually, and live life based on a shared faith! So what are some ideas on how to start well?

1. Emphasize community! There are three pillars of group life: community, engaging with God’s word and prayer (spiritual growth and life-change), and reaching outside of the group to others. The role of the small group is to create a good balance of these things. When your group is brand new, it is good to place emphasis on community. This will enhance your friendships and help you build a solid foundation from which life change, accountability, transparency and encouragement can flourish.

• Have games nights
• Focus on studies that help you get to know each other
• Purposely plan extra events outside small group

2. Bring clarity. Everyone in the group needs to know why they are there, etc. A few of these things may already have been set or declared by the small group leader, but it is good to start off well by discussing these things. There will need to be a bit of compromise in order to arrive at a final conclusion. Some of the things you can talk about are:

• What the group sees as their goal(s).
• What ground rules there are.
• What direction they are taking.
• What their purpose is perceived to be.
• What each individuals role is.
• What the small group leaders role is.
• What the groups role in the larger church body is.
• What we do with kids (bring them? Don’t bring them?).
• How long does the group run?
• Does the group stop over Christmas or the summer.
• What kind of studies or resources do we use.
• How big will the group get.
• What we do for food.

My group. We started a new group this past year. All new folks. Therefore we new we had to emphasis community, as well as keep the other important pillars of small group in play. Here is what we did:

• First meeting, started with coffee, and just got to know each other. We then had a very casual conversation about all the ground rules, goals, purpose, etc. Came to a shared conclusion and played a board game!
• Second meeting, started with coffee, and just got to know each other. We then discussed the schedule and what the year (season) would look like. Discussed and prayed about what all felt we needed to focus on in our lives in order to grow spiritually. Drafted a schedule.
• Third meeting, started with coffee, and just got to know each other. We finalized the schedule. Ensured there were times allotted for serving, etc. And began to discuss and confirm our focus/study for the next few months.
• We then moved into a fairly consistent schedule. One week we had games night and just built relationships… the next week we focused on our topic/study, prayed with each other, encouraged one another, served, etc. Back and forth.

This has resulted in a strong relational base, a comfort level that promotes transparency, and a launching pad to the next year in which we can begin speaking into each others lives and going deeper in our faith.

I recommend that each group takes this to heart. Keep it casual, comfortable and fun to start. It’s all about that relational base! Going deeper and becoming more transparent depends on mutual trust and respect, something only time can deliver… it can’t be forced or generated. Work on having a strong start and it will pave the way for many successful small group meetings.

RockPointe Church Children’s Ministry Pastor Rowena Sellers and her ministry team were kind enough to brainstorm and develop a few ideas (below) on this topic.

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Ecclesiastes 3:

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven
A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

These are the words of the very wise Solomon.  Many of the parents in our small groups here at RockPointe Church are in the time of their lives where young children seem to be in control!  It is often hard to meet as a small group because we just do not know what to do with the kids.  It is, therefore, not a surprise that Small Group Leadership have been getting many questions about what to do with children during small group time.  This is a tough challenge and some solutions will work for some groups and not for others.  I am going to list a few ideas as to what other groups are doing and a few extra ones as well.

• Hire Babysitting at someone else’s house and split the cost between small group members or alternate who gets the babysitter each week.
• For some groups, babysitting is not an option because of financial reasons.  This group might consider meeting over the supper time.  You could feed the kids first and then put on a movie for them, while you eat and discuss topics over dinner.  This might be the season in your life where you might opt for a discussion based curriculum where most of the prep is done at home in your own time as distractions WILL occur!

I have heard of one group that does something different every week of the month:

o   Week 1: The entire family gets together for a meal.

o   Week 2: The Guys get together while wives stay home with the kids.

o   Week 3: The Girls get together while Husbands stay home with the kids.

o   Week 4: They pay for a babysitter and all adults meet.

I know that some groups are very purposeful about showing and teaching their kids at a young age what small groups are about.  Some groups use the first 10-20 minutes to have an all family prayer time and devotional.  Other groups will find a once a month serve to do as a family.

Children’s Ministry have monthly Take Home sheets for every age group where parents can continue the Sunday Lessons at home.  This might be a good thing to do as a group.  This is a great way to teach other members of the group how to live spiritually at home!

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Pray about it. Be creative. And recognize that a change in expectations, goals or method is not a concession of defeat, but rather a necessary reformation and realignment based on changing circumstances. Your small group can work great with kids in the mix if your willing to change expectations and re-organize the methodology, logistics and possibly group member roles!

It is unrealistic as parents to think that life will remain the same after kids… as before you had kids! In the same way we must recognize that groups will have to change in many ways in order to move forward with realistic goals in mind, and a process that works for them.

Connection, community, spiritual growth and outreach can still be achieved, and should still be the basis of your expectations and goals. However, the way you achieve them and what it looks like may change.

The unfortunate part… this looks different for every small group. So there is no formula that can be outlined and followed.

The fortunate part… this looks different for every small group! So you have the freedom to pray, discuss and create a solution that works for your group specifically!

My small group all sat around a living room, asking this very question. What do we do next? What do we study? What resources are there? Are any of them even good? Many times my group has mulled over this question, sometimes because of lack of options, and other times because of too many options. When confronted with this question, I usually lead my group through a discussion of group identity, purpose, values and direction. Basically, I work backwards, and it actually helps determine our resourcing.

Ask yourself, and your group:

1. Why do we exist as a group?
2. What do we want to see accomplished in each others lives?
3. What is our commonality or affinity as a group? Is there one?
4. What is our dream or vision for this group?

These questions help re-align the group with its initially determined purpose and direction. As groups, and as group leaders, it can be easy to become less intentional with resources, and just choose the most interesting title off of a website or list. But when we re-examine the groups core values it can help narrow down what type of resource may be most useful.

Another question to ask is focused on strengths and weaknesses. Fruit and sin. It is a question that demands each group member to be real, open, honest and introspective. Where are you strong and where are you weak? Where are we as a group strong, and where are we weak? It is centered on Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification in each of us. At RockPointe Church we call this the “Next Step”. It could be that a “Next Step” is:

• Dealing with anger
• Raising children in a biblical manner
• Understanding and interpreting scripture
• Spiritual gifts and how we were created to serve others
• Talking about faith with our neighbors
• Who is God? What is my purpose?
• Being a Disciple of Jesus
• Forgiving others

They may be knowledge based pursuits. They may be sin or moral based. They may be relationship or interpersonal based. Or they may be theological or philosophical in nature. Regardless, they are all intricately linked to the work of sanctification, of surrendering our life and growing closer to God. Your groups perceived “Next Step” will help narrow down your search for resources.

It also could be that you just need a change. Difficulty in deciding which resource to use could spring from a lack of enthusiasm as well. Your group may not land on something, because they really don’t want to land on something. Encourage new direction with resourcing to change it up from the norm:

• DVD resources
• Book studies
• Study scriptures only
• Hands on, service or compassionate acts
• Follow the sermon series

One of the most fruitful methods is to employ many of these each year, always changing and switching it up to ensure each person connects well, and motivation and enthusiasm remain. We always have to keep in mind that each person connects with material differently. One may love DVD studies, while another can’t focus or learn from them at all!

Here is a look at my groups plan for this year:

Our group is young married couples. We have a desire to grow in our faith, but also to focus in on godly marriages and building a biblical foundation of parenting. So we have some specificity that helps guide our resourcing:

1. September - Re-connect. Have a games night and spend ample time getting to know each other again (or for the first time). I delegate to each member the task of putting together short devotionals to share with the group as well. Promotes engagement with scripture, and a bit of easy homework.
2. October – December – After some discussion (based on the above principles) our group decided that understanding our faith and how we can have fruitful dialogue with non-believers was important. In fact my group viewed it as in integral “Next Step” in each of their spiritual lives. After commissioning a few group members to research various resources, we landed on the book “What’s so Great About Christianity“.
3. January - Re-connect & Serve. Post Christmas we determined we should get together for another games night, but also focus on service and compassion. Volunteer work at the church and also through the Mustard Seed for a few weeks.
4. February – April – One of our core values, and part of our group purpose is based on strengthening marriages, therefore we new that we would choose material based on this. We chose “Love & Respect” which took us into the Spring.

So my group ended up using a DVD resource, a book, Scripture itself, hands on service and community nights that were delegated and planned by different group members. It helps my group remove predictability and protect enthusiasm.

I encourage you all to be intentional in your discussions about resourcing. Talk frankly about the groups direction and purpose. Speak boldly about possible “Next Steps”. And of course spend adequate time praying. Ask God to bring clarity on resourcing.As a Small Group Leader do not be afraid to delegate the research of possible resources to group members… it is surprising what great material and creative ideas that can be found!

RockPointe’s Resources for your small group can be found here:

http://www.rockpointe.ca/small-group-resources/

Ever been in a small group that just didn’t seem to work? Didn’t go anywhere? Didn’t see real spiritual growth occur? This can happen for a variety of reasons. In fact there are a multitude of reasons. But one of the possible reasons is clear. It is rooted in leadership.

As a leader we are called to be more than a facilitator and more than a host… we are called to be a shepherd. One who walks with, one who guides, on who encourages, etc. As a leader we need boldly challenge and encourage our people to pursue growth and to take the next step. As a leader we need to be okay with the momentary discomfort of calling another to greatness, or pointing out an area where growth needs to take place. We know that growth occurs when crisis hits, when you are accountable, or when a respected and trusted peer/friend calls you out or encourages you. So, as a leader in your small group, never give up on your group and never stop encouraging them to move forward.

Obviously this has to be wisely done. Before you can call someone out, challenge them and boldly push them to pursue something greater… there needs to be trust and relationship in place. There needs to be a mutual respect earned. But once there… and this is your call when you believe your there… you can move forward courageously and boldly, encouraging your people to continue to move forward.

Our purpose is clear… it isn’t to get together once a week. It is to get to know Christ better – together, and be transformed by the Holy Spirit. Decide to be bold, and decide to call out your group to move forward!

So how long should we stay together as a small group? How long is too long? Is there such a thing as too long? Is it okay to stop? Am I allowed to stop?

The life cycle of a small group is debated. Some believe they should last forever. Others believe they shouldn’t last more than 12 weeks! It all comes down to philosophy of groups, definition of what they are, the definition of their purpose and the idea of how community best plays out. So what about RockPointe Church?

Lets briefly lay out our conception of their purpose. Small groups are for:

• Connection and friendship in the body of Christ based on mutual belief and aspirations for growth.
• Spiritual Growth. Intentionally and purposefully pursuing God through scripture, prayer, learning and discussion.
• To be a platform and springboard for the application of where you have grown, outside of Church services and small group.

So with this in mind… life-cycle becomes less important. Not redundant, but less central. The purpose of a small group can be accomplished in all different life-cycle’s. The life span of a group is more the product of a healthy group, rather than an objectively defined parameter that every group must align with.

Small Groups can last forever. Of that I have no doubt. Sometimes the friendships forged in a small group can keep a group together indefinitely. The relationships grow so close, and spiritual growth is so often achieved… that stopping is out of the question. The groups relationship, passion and drive to continue spur them on into 5, 10, 25 years of community. They reach a certain tipping point where stopping would be out of the question.

But sometimes this just doesn’t happen. In fact most of the time this doesn’t happen. Usually small groups are formed adhoc. 6-14 random people meet together for the same purposes outlined above. Surely friendships are formed, and growth can absolutely be achieved… but intimate, close and deep relationships that last forever may not occur (and that is OK). After a year or a few years, passion may fade, growth may slow, and the group may have run it’s course (and that is OK!). Even though we have a similar affinity based on the same faith… we are not all destined to have groups that “click” in a profound and life long way.

That is why it is okay, that a small group be termed. In fact it is wise to always have a term on your small group. The very first meeting, you can lay out your group term. Usually 1 year is a good term. At the end of the year have a review. Ask for open and honest answers as to where everyone believes the group is at. From this, and your own conception of the groups health and connection, you can assess whether moving forward, or stopping, is the right thing to do.

Knowing when to stop is important.  Whether your group has been meeting for 1 year, or 28 years, knowing when to stop can save your group from an uncomfortable or confusing finish. Some feel it is compulsory to continue, some would feel too guilty to discontinue, and others still would see themselves as a failure if the group stopped. When in fact, there are many healthy and wise reasons to discontinue.  Just remember that not every group was built to last forever. If you are struggling to achieve the purposes outlined above… it could be time.

So what do I do?! You may be in the midst of a difficult year. Maybe this is what you have been thinking about for a while. What should you do if you are unsure if your group should continue? Here are a few ideas:

1. Pray – Ask God to reveal and illuminate the proper course of action. Just because it is hard right now, doesn’t mean stop. God could be using difficult situations or pressure/stress to help your people grow! Seek out God’s heart in this matter. No blog, no book, and no idea we have compares to the wisdom of God.
2. Sit down and write out your thoughts on the group, and the health of the group over a large period of time. This helps you understand whether it is just a current difficulty, or whether there is a longer term dis-connect or problem. Ensure you write down the positives too! Where has your group grown? What are the amazing things God has done in your group?  You may find that your group has been healthy for the bulk of its existence… and only currently is there a lull in growth, or an issue at hand. In which case, giving the group more time, and working through this season is likely the wise course of action.
3. Talk to your group at the appropriate time. If there has been longer term issues, clashes, stalled growth or a general sense of continual unhealthiness or low commitment/desire… you need to talk as a group. Tell everyone in advance that you are going to have a review of how the group is going in a future meeting, and that they should be praying and thinking about how the group is going. When you meet, ensure you talk about the positives, and also generally bring up the negatives. Allow a time of open floor. How are we as a group? Are we working? Connecting? Growing? And finally, where do we want to go from here?
   1. 1. It is important to let everyone know that stopping is an option, and it does not mean failure or surrender. It could be a healthy way forward.
      2. But it could be that this review of your group, and the honest discussion illuminates a clear course of action for your group. This could be an incredible bonding experience. It could be that just one minor thing needs to be addressed.

Just remember – Don’t stop your small group because it is the easy way out of an issue, or because there is a current lull in passion. It is at these moments that the greatest growth can be achieved. Ask God and seek His direction!

Small groups form and meet based on the same foundation: connection and spiritual growth. All of our groups meet with this same foundation, and thier group activities are based upon it. Yet, there is still room for group specificity when pursuing spiritual growth and connection. Every group may tackle things in a different or creative way, or they may feel God’s call to pursue a certain track or direction. So the question is, does your group have a focus or specific direction in mind?

All our groups have the same foundational values, but…

Some groups have a social justice focus and are activly involved with organizations in the Calgary area. Some groups have a service oriented focus, helping out both in the church and outside in the community. Some groups have a worship focus, pouring more time and energy into praising and seeking God through artistic expression and song. Some groups have a focus on strengthening marriages and spending time in this area. Some groups have a focus on outreach and evangelism, inviting non-christians to join them. Some groups have a focus on Biblical literacy, choosing resources and blocking off enough time that help them gain a greater understanding of God’s word. 

These are just a few different “tracks” that small groups can take. The point is that you can have a solid foundation of what makes a RockPointe group a RockPointe group, and still be creative in its expression as you feel led. These groups integrate prayer, community, accountability, scripture and outreach – but the form, timing and structure can be wildly different. This helps groups take on thier own individualistic personality, allowing them to focus on and spend time pursuing thier specific calling… and still be a RockPointe small group enjoying the core hallmarks of group life.

If you are a current group leader, this is a great discussion to have with your group. Who are we? What do we feel God calling us to do? What special skills or gifts do we have?  Do not allow the historical ”structure” of small group life asphyxiate passion or excitement, but rather re-develop a more creative group “structure” that allows for both the core values and a ”group focus”. It could be that this type of change could instill passion and motivation to continue pursuing God!

If you are a brand new Small Group Leader, this is good to think about. What kind of a group do you feel called to lead? Does it include a focus or specific direction? If you feel called by God to lead a group with a specific focus in mind… be up front with that and own it. You will draw in people who share the same passion as you!

Getting together for prayer, community, study and outreach is vital and important… but adding in a group calling or focus can really help motivate growth. Think and pray about this, and continue seeking God’s heart and direction for your group. And remember, not having a specific group focus is not bad. It could be that your group finds meaning and enjoyment in a standard group structure with no specific “focus”, in which case you should embrace it and continue on!

Take it for what its worth and continue on!

Small groups are all about community, spiritual growth and extending love and compassion to others. No matter how long your group has been together, whether it is a few weeks or ten years… there is a “next step” for you. Being a “next step” group is all about embracing a mentality that drives your group forward. It is about continuously thinking about what can help catalyze spiritual growth in your group, and in your members.

How can we help our groups grow spiritually through RockPointe’s discipleship stages; Exploring, Discovering, Growing and Surrendering?

Here are some things to think about:

• As a leader and as a group, it is beneficial to recognize that spiritual growth is driven by the Holy Spirit. However our willingness to pursue the Spirit and engage in growth is directly connected to this process. A great initial discussion to have, is about this relationship; The Holy Spirit’s work of conforming us, the importance of our individual disciplines and the persual of spiritual growth.
• As a group, sit down and have a time of group introspection and prayer. Ask each other where we need to grow the most. What areas of our lives is God not a part of? Where are there walls to growth? What new life circumstances are there in the group? What is a good description of our faith right now? As Romans 12:3 says, be honest in your evaluation of yourself. Only through honest introspection can we find appropriate next steps. Ensure you spend time in prayer, asking God to guide your group and give clarity about what steps can be taken. This is a fantastic individual and group activity, and is paramount if you are going to discover appropriate next steps.
• Once you have a good idea of where your group is at, in faith, in life, etc. You can begin to fruitfully discuss next steps. “What can we do to help us grow?” Since we know we need to grow in this area… what is an appropriate step to take as a group?”

Here in lies the great difficulty of many groups and leaders; finding the right resource or action. It could be:

• DVD resource
• Engagement with scripture
• Accountability structure
• Bible reading plans
• Serving outside the group
• Joining a class or course
• Using specific resources that focus on marriage, parenting, etc.
• Changing your group meeting structure to promote the importance of prayer or study or community life.
• Delegating authority and leadership to allow others to take on a challenge
• Writing down individual growth challenges… and report back to the group
• Serving in the church as individuals or as a group
• Reading a book that helps with a certain area of needed growth
• Opening up your group to new people
• Challenging your group members to split off and lead a new small group

There is a multitude of “next step” options out there… but the most important thing that I would like to impress upon you is to imbue your group with the “next step” mentality. If you and your group is always thinking and praying about next steps, the proper course of action will eventually come. Allow this mentality and focus to be consistently present in your group… not just a once a year guest!

Remember that being a “next step” group is cyclical. Once you feel your group has grown in an area, and the Spirit has worked in your people, start at the beginning again and re-examine where you are at as a group. The work of conforming to the image of Christ is never done, and there is always another hill to take in pursuit of this!

What are some next step’s that your group has taken? Use the comments option on this blog to help others become creative and effective!

Connection. This can be easy and smooth, but sometimes you can experience a measure of difficulty or confusion depending on circumstances. The new small groups management system places connection and dialogue with potential small group members in your hands… so how do you best handle it?

Firstly, you as the small group leader need to have an understanding that there can be mis-matches. Based on your group make-up and direction, you may be contacted by someone who may not sync well with your group for a variety of legitimate reasons. Scripture encourages us to love one another and not show favortism, Therefore we should be open to anyone in the body of Christ coming into fellowship with us. Yet, some small groups feel that to best minister to thier group, they need a direction and focus that can exclude some. This is not a bad thing. Being honest with yourself about this, and being honest with this person is paramount. There is no problem in saying it does not appear to be a good fit.

So what’s the actual method? Here are some general guidlines:

1. Before anything, discuss with your group, direction, purpose, and if you have a specific affinity or life stage in mind. This will assist in any conversations with interested congregants as it will give you a basis for who your group is ministering to.
2. After recieving an initial email for more information, connect back with them with a more detailed synopsis of who you are as a group (more detailed than the short description online). Add a few questions for this person including life stage, percieved faith journey stage, affinity match-up’s, etc.
3. After recieving a response, it should become fairly clear if this person is a good match or not for your group. You can do one of two things: Either invite them to join you for your next meeting, or let them know that it does not feel, or appear to be a good fit. If this is the case, show them love and encouragement and explain well the reasons why. This person may have stuck themselves way out there and risked a lot just to say hi!

If you invite them into your group, be clear with them before hand that sometimes it may become evident that it is not a good fit to either of you. Encourage them to be honest with you as well. After the initial meeting, give them a call or email and discuss how you both feel it went, and if it appears to be a good fit. I recognize this appears to be unspiritual and unChristlike to turn people away, or have certain qualifications, but it may be that there is another group more suited to help this person grow. And it also acts as a protective barrier to ensure your group can continue growing.

If after the initial email you let them know that it does not appear to be a good fit, let them know why, and include an encouragement to continue connecting with groups at RockPointe. It  could be that there does not appear to be a good fit because of affinity, life stage, area of Calgary, specific group focus, etc. Always ensure there is encouragement and a reason when you respond!

I would like to encourage you as a group leader, and your group, to be open to new people. Sometimes a fantastic catalyst to help your group grow is to invite people of different life stages and different affinities into your group! This is often a rewarding move for any group as it brings about many new perspectives into group life and group discussion. Yes, there is a time that we need to encourage an interested congregant to pursue a different group, but there is also opportunity to invite new people with new perpectives into your group.  Pray, and seek God’s heart in these issues, and in this process and you will be led to the right course of action!

Obviously these are only guidlines. As each instance is different there may be multiple different ways to respond and engage in dialogue with an interested congregant. But these guidlines can give you a general framework for how we are to respond as Small Group Leaders.

Welcome to Coach’s Corner!

Simple, effective communication is everything… that is why Coach’e Corner was created. It is a response to a need. How can we best train, equip and talk with our small group leaders? Coach’s Corner provides a forum for discussion, support, resourcing and training anywhere you are, and anytime you want. It is meant to be interactive, so that leaders can learn from other leaders!

We will talk about practical issues in small group life, spiritual growth, the Reveal discipleship process at RockPointe Church, specific training points, upcoming initiative and events, and more. This is a great place to remain connected and informed for all things small group at RockPointe!

I look forward to it! 

Ryan